evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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