I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The air was thick with penises
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
