why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just sucked dick on a ferry
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
