how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Can Purell be used as lube?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
