That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
