I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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