Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize