I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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