I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Can you repeat that, but with context?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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