Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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