Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize