You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
