All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
