Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
