i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
