plz talk dirty to me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
