Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
