you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think my nap took me to another dimension
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
