Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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