Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
