I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
