Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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