Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize