That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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