I need help removing her.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
from now on my penis is your penis
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
