I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I cut my penus on the lid.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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