I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
