the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
