yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
