omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
