if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize