Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
