Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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