I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
