Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you didnt know i had herpes?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
