I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
