she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
