they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
