I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
