you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
