i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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