Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
