Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize