At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
