I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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