I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
