Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wish they made helmets for livers.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
