so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
