peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
