I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize