I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
