Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
