the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
