I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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