There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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