Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I cut my penus on the lid.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
