And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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