If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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