I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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