If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
