is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
