just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I need to stop coming to work sober
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
