Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
only you would photoshop your dick
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
