The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
honey bunches of taint.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
