The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
