So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
