Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
not ubering you a puppy
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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