the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
