I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize