dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
