i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
