my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
